When all you hear and see is war, nothing else matters as much. All you want is for it to end, and wish it had never started in the first place. All you can do is wait, and it’s the longest wait.
During my backpacking years I often found myself wishing for one thing only – for all the mosquitos in this world to cease to exist. It was my nemesis. It was my biggest pain. Today my wish seems ridiculous. Never in my 40 years had I anticipated to live through the worldwide pandemic. Never in my life had I imagined to have to live through war. I am as physically far away from Europe as possible, but the pain and the anger is right there in my heart, as if my own country had been attacked. And waiting for the war to end is all that matters.
Five years ago, those were the longest three months.
The note that Beno had given me barely holds together today. I kept reading it every day the entire time we were apart. I was so grateful for it. Beno was not the person to write notes or to talk about his feelings, just like most men never are. But here it was, his precious words, on the piece of paper, with his heart in it, with me in Miami.
I was lucky enough to find two amazing couchsurfing hosts and have plenty of fun. I did some well needed shopping, I explored the city, I socialized, I had a blast.
I even got to spend a couple of nights with my host on a boat, steps away from the wedding venue.
The wedding was beautiful. I don’t remember much as almost the entire celebration I spent crying. I’m a sucker for love as is and ‘I do’ always makes my eyes water. But on that occasion I cried both from happiness for my best friend and from pain, as I celebrated love and my loved one could not be there by my side.
I do remember that I ended up with the best man’s phone number in my pocket. Funny how you get a guy’s number when you least care about it.
After Miami I was back in Mexico. My days were all the same again: long hours at work and lonely nights at home. Walmart became my favorite place in the entire city, as that is were I’d go before work to use free Wifi and talk to Beno. Don’t ask me, I would have had it a hundred times easier, had I bought a cellphone and used the data. Instead, I dragged my tablet to the supermarket every day. I was set in my ways!
I’d see Beno at work, in his overalls, covered in freshly cut grass, and I could almost smell it. I’d see him drink his morning coffee, and I could just about taste the bitterness of it. I’d see him, and I’d just about feel his embrace and his lips on my face.
When he finally told me he was looking for tickets to come to Mexico, I didn’t get too excited. Anybody could say that, I remembered him telling me. Showing up was different. When the actual day came and he told me what time he’d be leaving Belize, I rushed to the bus terminal to meet him. Nobody could tell me what time that bus would reach the city. I waited till I got tired of waiting, and went home.
I only believed it when I opened the door at the crack of dawn and saw him leaning in my doorway.
‘Hi, baby’.
That is all I let him say before I fell into his arms.
‘I need to pay a hundred pesos to the taxi driver’, – he continued with a smile on his face.
‘Typical Beno’, – I though to myself with even bigger smile. And just like that, it felt like we’d never been apart.
