The most

Published: January 22, 2022 / Updated: January 31, 2022 Vilma Life in Belize

My relationship with Beno was the most…

… beautiful
… intense
… rewarding
… terrifying
… dramatic
… insightful
… tragic
… enriching
… extraordinary

I would not have changed it for the world. At the end of it, I was left completely broken down. At the same time, it made me the richest woman on this earth.

I stayed in Belize for half a year. Every month I’d show up at the immigration office, tell the same story about staying at the same place with the same people, pay the same visa extension fee, and I’d be free to continue my life as the perfect housewife until the following month.

In Belize, nothing was the way I knew it. From language to food to family relationships to way of life in general, everything was new to me. Friends of Beno didn’t talk to me in English. They spoke Creole, and as hard as I tried the only word I could ever make out from any conversation was pikney (child/children). Everything else had to be translated to me in the English I could understand.

Food was something else. Belizean seafood was exquisite.

Salted pigtail was better than I expected.

And chicken feet soup was our frequent dinner.

I knew the guy was deep in love when for our first Valentine day’s dinner I came home to a pot of steaming chicken feet soup!

Watching kids climb the coconut trees in the yard and cracking those big boys open to some sweet coconut water was an everyday sight (the one I miss very much today).

Come dinnertime local women with baskets of freshly baked bread and buns would start walking down the street. And so I lived my life enjoying truly good and delicious food.

Nobody gave me hard time being a foreigner in the country. I had to go to the hospital a couple of times and just showing my passport was enough to have a consultation, get some tests done and some free medicine.

Of course, there was lots I had to get used to. Besides cooking for 6 instead of 2 and finding all the food gone come morning no matter the amount I cooked, not much got in my way. Some things made me curious and somewhat amused, I’d say.

Just as I saw glimpses of different way of life while travelling in Latin America year earlier, I witnessed different life first hand in PG. Very different from what I grew up with or found familiar. When I talked to Beno about it, he said I wouldn’t understand and would be quick to judge. Perhaps. We came from such different worlds. At the end of the day I was grateful he let me be part of his world.

He was always calm, I was always dramatic. He didn’t have much to show for himself (I’m just a broke nigger, he’d say). To me, he had the world (kindness, wisdom and acceptance).

To this day, I wish I could live by his philosophy: ‘I accept everything that comes my way’.

Dreams vs reality

Published: January 9, 2022 / Updated: January 17, 2022 Vilma Life in Belize

I’m sure you all know Goldilocks and the three bears story.

Mine goes like this:

I met a guy, but he was too boring.

I met another guy, but he was too intense.

I met London boy, and he was just right.

Ladies and gents, I’ve found the perfect guy.

Yes, the same guy who told me to stop searching for love and let it find me, and the same guy that flew from London to New York to meet his new girlfriend two months ago. You must be thinking: ‘Something doesn’t add up here…’ How is he the perfect guy for me if he’s with somebody else? Well, the ‘somebody else’ part didn’t work out.

He’s not perfect, god forbid, but he’s so close, and he’s perfect for me. London boy is the kind of a man I’d never been with. But as soon as I got to know him I realized he was just right for me. Head on his shoulders, focused and determined, very chill, amazing with kids and very passionate about becoming the best dad to his child and the best man to his woman. He inspires me, I respect and adore him. He also annoys me to no end. I get on his nerves, which makes it even.

He’s been told the story of an emoji, by the way!

The only thing is, he’s as blind as a bat and does not see what’s in front of him, making me work twice as hard.

He’s also the one that gives me the male perspective on my relationship related questions.

When I asked London boy what he thought of this, he responded it was very true. I thought so too.

I remember Beno telling me that every man wanted to come home to a happy woman. “But how can I be happy if you do this and you do that?’ – I would instantly respond. At that time, I was blind myself.

Beno tried to explain.

‘It’s not what I do, it’s your reaction to things I do’.

I know that now!

‘Show me your love no matter what. I’m coming home to you’.

‘Yes, but you are coming home after midnight!’

And so, peace is what we all need.

In PG I was the perfect girl for him. I didn’t work. I cooked, cleaned, did laundry and shopping and was always extremely happy to see Beno home at the end of his shift. We’d often to the river, for a change of scene and a well needed cool river water.

Together we hosted quite a few couchsurfers. That kept me entertained while Beno worked and that was my way of giving back after couchsurfing for over 3 years. I remember one guy commenting how cool I was letting Beno have his time with his friends. ‘I wish my girlfriend was like that’ – he said.

Every person in town was Beno’s friend. He grew up in PG. Well, technically he’d lived all over Belize, but PG was his home. Everybody knew him. His home boys were always in the house, day or night. When I cooked, I cooked for myself, Beno and 4 other mouths who were staying that night for dinner.

He lived close to the sea. Almost every night we’d go out on one of our walks. In less than 5 minutes we’d be by the water, sitting next to each other on the cool stone pier and looking at the starry sky. I loved the dark PG nights and I loved those moments, when I’d settle in Beno’s embrace and watch the moon rise.