How can a 7 year old have better analytical skills and stronger logical thinking than her 45 year old mama? 

She really does, and that is why I love solving problems with my daughter. She will always look at them from a different angle and suggest the solution I didn’t even know existed.

And the fact that I’m 45… Yes, indeed I am. And I’m saying it proudly, with my head held high. I’ve grown to love my numbers…

‘How do you do that?’ – asked a colleague on the day of my birthday. I’m pretty sure she is younger than me.

‘Just think about all the people that didn’t get to live to be your age. Think how blessed you are to see your kids getting older. Some didn’t get a chance like that!’ – I explained passionately.

‘Oh, I’m sorry I asked’, – she said not lifting her eyes. ‘That is just too sad’.

It is very sad indeed, I think to myself. And, of course, Beno is on my mind. He didn’t make it to be 40 or even 30. He didn’t get to see our daughter growing bigger and getting smarter.

‘Oh, I’m very different’, – another colleague told me excitedly in the kitchen. I admit to myself that I love coming to the office because of casual conversations like this. She continued: ‘I think I have this Peter Pan syndrome. I believe life belongs to young people’.

That gets me thinking. Am I sure I value those growing numbers? Is it not better to live hard while you’re young?

Another friend expressed her opinion via voice message:

‘I took out all my retirement money, because I need it now! Everybody’s judging me and telling me I’m crazy, but I don’t care. Maybe I’ll win the lottery when I am old!’.

I listen and in my mind I applaud her bravery.

So how is it, really? What’s my position on the subject?

There was a time when I didn’t think about getting old and retired. Years later I felt repeatedly nudged by family and society. Being responsible means not only saving for the rainy day, but growing your retirement fund. Right?

But then… but then I hear stories. How people save for old age and die young. How they work hard, don’t go on vacation for years, thinking they’ll have all the time to enjoy themselves after they retire. But they don’t! They get sick and they end up with nothing. 

I’m thinking there should be a book, written just for me, with dos and don’ts for my life.

But hold on here… What am I saying: living my life by the book? Where’s the fun in that? Am I not the girl that crossed the oceans just to see a boy? More than once, for that matter. Am I not the girl who moved from country to country just because she felt like it? Am I not the girl…

Too right I am. The same girl who grew up to be a 45 year old woman. Who knows exactly what she wants to do, where she wants to live, whether she wants to truly live today or save for tomorrow. Except that she doesn’t.

So… going back to the question of saving up for retirement…

And that is what I go through in my head every night. Multiplied by 150. Chaos.

Does it scare me? A little. Will I figure it out? I can only hope.

After all, a friend once told me: ‘Our priorities, oppinions and goals change as we grow. Life is not static, we are not static. We change. It’s absolutely natural. I get it.’