Celebrity style

Published: April 5, 2021 / Updated: April 5, 2021 Vilma Life in the USA: The Ugly

While engaged and living in NYC, I remember one day seeing this picture of Renee Zellweger.

I loved it. Renee the bride, she looked so happy. It inspired me. I knew in a couple of months’ time I would be just like her, on my wedding day on the beach.

Sadly, her marriage lasted only 4 months.

Well, Renee, I beat you this time. My marriage lasted only 3 months.

I believe it’s no surprise to any of you that my relationship ended so soon after we got married. I don’t think it was a surprise to me, either. Although to finally be apart took a huge deal of effort and struggle, and mixed feelings.

The last day at my mother in law’s house started as usual. I woke up that morning and got ready to go to work. I couldn’t start the car, though, and came back to the bedroom to wake up my husband and ask him for help. As mentioned, he’d usually wake up just before noon. And there I was nagging into his ear about needing a ride to work early on. He kept trying to convince me to take a taxi, but I was having none of it. I had a husband and he had a car, why would I ever take a taxi?

Words got stronger, voices got louder, till he jumped out of bed, grabbed me by the shoulders and pushed me out of the room.

I was boiling inside. NOBODY GETS TO PUSH ME. But my rage came out only as a quiet ‘that’s it’, almost as if said to myself. I took a taxi to work.

That day had the longest hours. But it gave me time to decide: ‘I was done’.

After work I hastily packed my bags (having to leave all the wedding and bridal shower gifts) and moved out. My friend let me stay with her.

Trust me. That time was one of the hardest things I had to go through (but not THE hardest, as I later found out). I hardly ate. I didn’t crave chocolate. And for a huge chocolate addict like myself that was a huge deal. I cried, I felt lost, I doubted myself, I sought help, I was afraid.

I heard the rumors about myself. I stole from the chef, took his money. I was ungrateful woman after having been accepted to the family. The chef knew where I was staying and he threatened my friend. I had to look over my shoulder every time I left the house. I applied for a restraining order.

Fast forward a few months, I had tried to get a divorce, unsuccessfully.

Fast forward a few years, I found out he had passed.

My husband was gone, and so was that chapter of my life in the USA: the good, the bad, the ugly, the wedding and the funeral. Almost as if I had been playing part in ‘Four weddings and a funeral‘ – except with one wedding. It seemed that for a brief moment I had lived celebrity style.

My restless soul, however, kept searching for love.

Expiration date

Published: March 29, 2021 / Updated: March 29, 2021 Vilma Life in the USA: The Ugly

‘Sleep’.

That is the answer I gave once when asked what was my favorite thing to do. And I was being serious, too. ‘Sometimes I sleep till one or two in the afternoon. And I love it!’, – I had gone on and on. I wish I could say the same today. Most of the time I wake up (but try to keep my eyes shut for as long as I can) before sunrise, just listening to the never ending chatter-box next to me.

The day after the wedding sleep was the last thing on my mind. My husband, used to getting up just before noon for a shift at the restaurant, also didn’t object to waking up at 4 am and setting off to Disney World in Orlando. We didn’t need beautiful beaches for our honeymoon. We had the wild beaches at our doorstep. We didn’t need tropical weather. We had plenty of sunshine in Hilton Head Island. I guess unconsciously we just wanted to have loads of fun and feel like kids one last time, before starting our life as a married couple, i.e. adults.

We came back from our honeymoon happy and in love. We were husband and wife, we were a union, standing strong. Except we weren’t.

All the signs of trouble re-appeared, after hiding temporarily in the shadows of the wedding. My husband lied to me numerous time. I remember him sneaking out in the middle of the night and re-setting the mileage button in his Jeep. I would know, too, as his lies were making me borderline paranoid. More than once he borrowed money which I never got to see, I only got asked to pay it back. I started to feel helpless and trapped. The more I moved, the more questions I asked, the more he lied, the tighter got the trap.

Fights continued. They had never stopped. We even had one on our wedding night!

One afternoon in the middle of the argument my husband just took off his wedding ring and threw it out of the car window while driving. I begged him to stop and searched the ground feverishly till I found it.

I gave my husband a video player (quite a novelty piece back then!) for Christmas, so he could watch his Star Wars movies. The chef was the biggest fan, even owned a Darth Vader‘s mask. But whenever I offered to watch an episode with him, he would find an excuse not to. I found it extremely odd and by then I was overly suspicious. I pressed and I pressed till he admitted he had sold it.

In the words of my most loved artist out there today, we all have our Expiration date:

But every woman has a day when she gets tired of the games
And she gets tired of being played like she’s a toy
She finds the strength to up and leave
And she wakes up and finally sees
That you ain’t nothin’ like a king, you’re just a boy

You’ve reached your expiration date, yeah
You’ve reached your expiration date

– Sammie

I soon would have reached mine.