I am not about the new year resolutions.
But this year I have decided to make one. It is not the usual ‘I’ll start something this coming year’ resolution. It is ‘I’ll stop something this coming year’ resolution.
In 2023 I will stop asking London boy to come and see me. Because I still do. And he still doesn’t. Although sometimes… I feel hopeful.
I beg, I try to bribe, I almost threaten and give ultimatums. Boys and girls, nothing works. That man is unmovable.
And so, I’ve decided enough was enough. I will continue talking to him because I enjoy it, but I’ll stop dreaming of him. Mmmmm, maybe not that. I’ll just stop asking him to come and visit me (while secretly still wishing and hoping). Let the new year begin.
And no matter how much I despise seeing gray streaks in my hair, obviously meaning that I’m getting older, I love the wisdom that comes with it. Some things you only realize when you hit 40.
If I’m being completely honest here, I have often played a victim. For example:
- Growing up, I only knew 2 kinds of ice cream favors: vanilla and chocolate.
- We never had too much money. Just enough, sometimes not enough, never too much.
I could go on and on. But this one hurt the most:
- My partner and my baby daddy got killed, leaving me and our baby alone.
That was the biggest hit. The pain remained for a very long time. The questions laid unanswered for even longer. I was a victim. I was left alone, without a warning, without a goodbye.
But the thing is – shit happens. To everybody. All the time. Life is about that: it’s about not being pretty, it’s about not being fair, it’s about always testing you and throwing you off balance. So the way to happiness is taking that as a norm. ‘Life is not fair’ – that’s the norm. Losing a loved one is a norm.
And once I started realizing that, I started feeling blessed with moments when nothing happened. No one died, no one suffered.
I started seeing the moments of joy as extraordinary rewards.
Then and only then life started to make sense.
Of course, I’m only human, and I tend to forget deep truths and my newly found understanding often vanishes in the chaos of everyday life. Practice lags behind theory. But those realizations remain deep inside, and the seeds of wisdom keep growing.
These are my scattered thoughts as the year ends. Coincidentally, they resonated to 10 Deep Psychology And Philosophy Quotes (African history, Arts & Humanities website):
1. The world will ask who you are, and if you don’t know, the world will tell you.
2. If a man knows more than others, he becomes lonely.
3. Everything that irritates us about others can lead to an understanding of ourselves.
4. Life really does begin at forty. Up until then, you are just doing research.
5. You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do.
6. Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darkness of other people.
7. Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.
8. Be grateful for your difficulties and challenges, for they hold blessings.
In fact… Man needs difficulties; they are necessary for healthy personal growth, individualization and self-actualization.
9. Everyone you meet knows something you don’t know but need to know. Learn from them.
10. I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.