Cheers to being single (mom)

Published: June 13, 2021 / Updated: June 24, 2021 Vilma Life in Europe: Alderney

Being a single mom is not easy. The house owner where you want to rent turns you down, just because you have a kid. The guy you thought you could actually have something beautiful with turns you down, just because you have a kid. Yes, I do, and I love her to infinity and back infinite times. And if that is not good enough for you, that is most certainly not good enough for me.

Most of the time in my life I’ve got no clue what I’m doing (especially now as a mum). I certainly had zero understanding about what I was getting myself into when I decided to escape from my life (more specifically, my life in Alderney) and just travel. Innocent enough plan. Well, my family didn’t think so! My mom kept saying I took too many risks and they didn’t always paid off (true). My sister kept asking how could I just buy myself a plane ticket and fly to Peru to meet a guy I knew nothing about (not entirely true)? I had no answers for them, but I had plenty of enthusiasm.

I don’t use dating apps anymore these days, got no time or desire to do extra work after my official work hours. But back in Alderney I did. It was Kristina’s idea! She told me she signed up for okcupid and encouraged me to do the same. I did, and I set the search criteria to the whole world, of course, as in order to see any human outside of Alderney required getting on a plane anyway.

And there he was, as gorgeous brown eyed guy as I had ever seen, almost as good looking as Orlando Bloom. He seemed to have an adventurous nature and we quickly hit it off.

After a few weeks of innocent (and sometimes not so much) chatting, he told me he was planning a hitchhiking trip from Peru to Mexico. And asked whether I’d liked to join him. Hell yes! That’s what I told him, minus the ‘hell’ part. This was the answer I’d been waiting for. As I couldn’t decide where I wanted to go next, but no longer desired to stay on the island, it seemed like a perfect solution to take some time off and just travel. See what comes out of it. We calculated around 6 months, and we were off by 3 years.

My Peruvian was careful to put me at ease about who he was and what he did. Half beach bum and half world traveler, his Couchsurfing account was truly impressive. I had not heard of anything like this before, so I carefully read about this idea of hosting (being hosted) strangers in your home and studied his references.

We had a plan and we had each other. What I was missing I ordered from Amazon (a backpack and a pair of comfy hiking shoes. In reality I didn’t get the latter, I chose a pair of Converse. They were cute and they served me well in both hot and cold weather (with the warmest socks I could lay my hands on), but they certainly weren’t suitable for climbing mountains and carrying 13 kg backpack on top of me every day for a very long time). But hey, who can blame me for wanting to look good for my Peruvian?

So after heartfelt goodbyes and promises to see each other again, I headed to London to board the plane to Lima. I started a diary too, for the second time in my life (the first one had lots of drama from high school years, especially to do with the boy who got me addicted to chocolate).

I hope to be able to read these diaries to my daughter one day, so she can see how amazing and fearless her mama was/still is.

Times before Tinder

Published: January 11, 2021 / Updated: January 11, 2021 Vilma Before it all started

‘Don’t do it. Don’t search for love. Let it come to you’ – said my friend from the UK, aka London Boy.

Dating apps – be gone!

Now don’t be too quick to judge me. I’ve heard stories about people finding true love on Tinder. Not sure those stories are real, though. But they do exist. So, who knows, I gave it a try.

Times before Tinder were different. There was much more creativity and leg work involved. Take me in high school, for example. My first serious boyfriend (who knew how give me a half decent kiss) was a senior. I was just a regular 15 or so year old and had to stand out from the crowd, right? My plan of action was simple. Every day I would check out his schedule. The list for all the classes was updated every day so everyone could make sure they found themselves in the right classroom at the right time. So if my later boyfriend had an algebra class on the third floor, I was sure to go up there and trot my pretty self along the third floor hallways on that particular break. If his next lesson was arts, I’d sure find a reason to pass his classroom on the first floor a few times. With purpose, of course…

It worked! A couple of weeks later he appeared out of nowhere by my side after one of the school discos and asked: ‘Do you mind if I walk you home?’. Of course I did. I minded very much it took him so long to approach me.

And so it started. Walks to and from school together (remember the legwork I mentioned? Here you have it). Luckily enough he lived just few streets down from me, so it kind of made sense to walk together. He would carry my backpack with books, he’d help me with my gym bag. He’d secretly put a bar of chocolate in my bag and I’d find it later at home. He got me addicted, I’m not kidding. Later on I only wanted him to walk me home so I could dive into my chocolate.

All I remember from that Christmas is him meeting me for an hour or so and me finding my pockets full of candy once I got back home. Sweet boy. A few months later I heard he had gotten his new girlfriend pregnant. And I felt like the lucky one who got away.

Still, I remember our walks. I remember our kisses. I remember the chocolate.

Besides having a boyfriend for a brief period of time, my high school years were quite… ordinary and calm. No sneaking out, no trying out a cigarette behind the house. I was all into writing, ballroom dancing and studying English.

A time came when I needed to make a choice – to continue dancing or to continue studying English. I chose the latter. Without good enough language skills I couldn’t have participated in the student exchange program that got me to visit the USA.