I was not prepared for her question.

Our summer had passed without major ups and downs. I’d say that we had finally settled in, a bit over a year after coming back to Europe. My daughter has friends, lots of them. I made friends, too. We are happy with the way our life is. Of course, going gets tough at times, but it’s only to be expected, and we get through it.

By the time the fall came, another summer romance ended. The men that I meet are simply not what I’m looking for. And what I’m looking for remains a mystery. ‘Good luck with that’, – I can almost hear you say. And I agree – good luck to me, not knowing what I want.

I had closed all dating apps. I feel free and I feel good.

The school year has started again and the fall routine has set in. We had been blessed with peaceful moments.

Until the day when a friend came for a visit. I’d met him in Mexico around 2 years ago. Our date was pretty ordinary, and it didn’t leave extremely good or bad memories. We had kept in touch all this time checking in on each other every once in a while.

‘I’ll be in your city in September’, – he announced one day.

He travels all the time – it’s what he does. And this time he was in my neck of the woods. Of course, it’s always a pleasure to see a familiar face.

I had warned my girl that I would come to pick her up after work with a friend. I didn’t say much more, as that’s what he is, a friend. And so our walk to the kindergarten on that day was full of talk and smiles, of catching up, the conversation flowed easily.

When I saw her, playing outside, I expected her to run towards me shouting ‘My mama is here!’ just like she always does. She runs, she almost flies, with the biggest smile on her face. This time she just stood where she was and she watched. My friend was walking by my side.

When I came up to my daughter, I saw tears swell in her eyes. I saw sadness and curiosity, and I heard hope in her shaky voice: ‘Is this my daddy?’ – she asked, still staring at him.

Oh, Lord… I did not expect that. She knew well her daddy had been gone for a long time now, she knew that. How could he be alive? How could she ask that?

Without looking back at my friend, I realized the sun was just behind us while we walked, and we must have looked like (un)familiar faces to her. But still… How could her daddy possibly walk next to me?..

But to her, it seemed entirely possible. It broke my heart.

‘No, my love, this is not your daddy. It’s a friend I had mentioned to you before’, – I told her, pulling her into embrace. At that moment she seemed so unsure of herself, of her surroundings. I held her close to my chest till I was sure she was OK. And then I held her for a bit longer.

If only… If only one day a miracle like that could happen.