The guy is not a clown. He has insightful things to say about men, women and relationships in general. But this made me laugh. Who would ever take THAT as a sign?
Surprisingly and unexpectedly, that day turned out to be a very special day for me. The universe aligned its stars and it all became clear to me. It also reminded me that dreams come true. Sometimes after 4-5 years, but they do.
The dog came into the picture after the man, and I had to wait around 5 years to see my dream come true, but here was Beno and Snoop Dog – as real as it gets.
The dream of finding each other had also come true for my best friend Kristina and her now husband Sean.
Beno could not come with me to the wedding. As best as we tried, it was impossible for him to get a visa for the USA.
I could see the sadness in his eyes before I had to fly out of Belize.
We came to the city to spend a couple of days exploring and to hold on to every precious moment we had with each other before we had to say goodbye at the airport.
Beno handed me a piece of paper and told me to read it later. I read it as soon as he was out of sight (you all remember the ‘got no patience’ part, right?). And I cried all the way to Miami (it seamed to be that long).
We had a plan. We talked about it and we both agreed. Beno will come to me once I am back in Mexico. But what if he doesn’t?
I would not have changed it for the world. At the end of it, I was left completely broken down. At the same time, it made me the richest woman on this earth.
I stayed in Belize for half a year. Every month I’d show up at the immigration office, tell the same story about staying at the same place with the same people, pay the same visa extension fee, and I’d be free to continue my life as the perfect housewife until the following month.
In Belize, nothing was the way I knew it. From language to food to family relationships to way of life in general, everything was new to me. Friends of Beno didn’t talk to me in English. They spoke Creole, and as hard as I tried the only word I could ever make out from any conversation was pikney (child/children). Everything else had to be translated to me in the English I could understand.
Food was something else. Belizean seafood was exquisite.
Salted pigtail was better than I expected.
And chicken feet soup was our frequent dinner.
I knew the guy was deep in love when for our first Valentine day’s dinner I came home to a pot of steaming chicken feet soup!
Watching kids climb the coconut trees in the yard and cracking those big boys open to some sweet coconut water was an everyday sight (the one I miss very much today).
Come dinnertime local women with baskets of freshly baked bread and buns would start walking down the street. And so I lived my life enjoying truly good and delicious food.
Nobody gave me hard time being a foreigner in the country. I had to go to the hospital a couple of times and just showing my passport was enough to have a consultation, get some tests done and some free medicine.
Of course, there was lots I had to get used to. Besides cooking for 6 instead of 2 and finding all the food gone come morning no matter the amount I cooked, not much got in my way. Some things made me curious and somewhat amused, I’d say.
Just as I saw glimpses of different way of life while travelling in Latin America year earlier, I witnessed different life first hand in PG. Very different from what I grew up with or found familiar. When I talked to Beno about it, he said I wouldn’t understand and would be quick to judge. Perhaps. We came from such different worlds. At the end of the day I was grateful he let me be part of his world.
He was always calm, I was always dramatic. He didn’t have much to show for himself (I’m just a broke nigger, he’d say). To me, he had the world (kindness, wisdom and acceptance).
To this day, I wish I could live by his philosophy: ‘I accept everything that comes my way’.
Yes, the same guy who told me to stop searching for love and let it find me, and the same guy that flew from London to New York to meet his new girlfriend two months ago. You must be thinking: ‘Something doesn’t add up here…’ How is he the perfect guy for me if he’s with somebody else? Well, the ‘somebody else’ part didn’t work out.
He’s not perfect, god forbid, but he’s so close, and he’s perfect for me. London boy is the kind of a man I’d never been with. But as soon as I got to know him I realized he was just right for me. Head on his shoulders, focused and determined, very chill, amazing with kids and very passionate about becoming the best dad to his child and the best man to his woman. He inspires me, I respect and adore him. He also annoys me to no end. I get on his nerves, which makes it even.
The only thing is, he’s as blind as a bat and does not see what’s in front of him, making me work twice as hard.
He’s also the one that gives me the male perspective on my relationship related questions.
When I asked London boy what he thought of this, he responded it was very true. I thought so too.
I remember Beno telling me that every man wanted to come home to a happy woman. “But how can I be happy if you do this and you do that?’ – I would instantly respond. At that time, I was blind myself.
Beno tried to explain.
‘It’s not what I do, it’s your reaction to things I do’.
I know that now!
‘Show me your love no matter what. I’m coming home to you’.
‘Yes, but you are coming home after midnight!’
And so, peace is what we all need.
In PG I was the perfect girl for him. I didn’t work. I cooked, cleaned, did laundry and shopping and was always extremely happy to see Beno home at the end of his shift. We’d often to the river, for a change of scene and a well needed cool river water.
Together we hosted quite a few couchsurfers. That kept me entertained while Beno worked and that was my way of giving back after couchsurfing for over 3 years. I remember one guy commenting how cool I was letting Beno have his time with his friends. ‘I wish my girlfriend was like that’ – he said.
Every person in town was Beno’s friend. He grew up in PG. Well, technically he’d lived all over Belize, but PG was his home. Everybody knew him. His home boys were always in the house, day or night. When I cooked, I cooked for myself, Beno and 4 other mouths who were staying that night for dinner.
He lived close to the sea. Almost every night we’d go out on one of our walks. In less than 5 minutes we’d be by the water, sitting next to each other on the cool stone pier and looking at the starry sky. I loved the dark PG nights and I loved those moments, when I’d settle in Beno’s embrace and watch the moon rise.
You know how whenever you look at your phone you always find a text from somebody, or en email. Or even just a message from your network provider. There is always something.
The other night, though, I checked my phone, and there was nothing.
‘Why isn’t anybody texting me?’, – I casually asked my daughter. More of a rhetorical question, of course. What could she possibly say?
‘Because nobody loves you’, – she told me with a straight face.
The wisdom of a 3 year old! She made me laugh and almost cry at the same time. At that instant I thought to myself: ‘I love my life and I love this little girl’. Although I do hope her smarty pants comments aren’t so deep next time.
And just like that… If you haven’t watched it yet, do so. Especially if you are no longer in your 20s. More so, if you used to be a big fan of Sex and the city. Watch it if you had lost the man you loved. Or simply because you have nothing better to do on a Thursday night.
This being a Monday night, I do have a story of my own to tell you.
And just like that, Costa Rica escaped me again. Because of…
This.
It took me a couple of days to reach Santa Ana in El Salvador. During those couple of days I had no internet connection, didn’t really need it. But once I settled with Mar and crashed, literally, on the bed in my room, I was eager to check my messages, especially the ones from Beno. What I found was an emoji.
I don’t know when we all first started using them. I do remember that years ago emojis didn’t exist. And so a few years back I was shyly putting this
or that
to the messages I wrote. Never this.
That emoji had a different meaning for me. Today many of us don’t hesitate to use it when talking to friends and liking their pictures. I am still cautious about using it, though. To me it signifies love. And I don’t give out love left and right. Years ago I didn’t expect others did, either.
And as far as I could remember that was the first time a guy had sent it to me. I don’t remember whether I told this to Beno, but here you have it. The emoji was the reason I went back.
‘Will you take me with open arms if I go back to you?’ – I asked him replying to his message, a.k.a emoji.
‘Yes, I will’, – he answered.
And just like that, I made an important decision in my life (one of the most important, I should add), based on an emoji. And no, I wouldn’t call myself reckless or irresponsible, flaky or lacking reason. I’d say that I made the decision that I wanted to make, and the emoji was just a sign I was making the right one.
Weeks later, when I asked Beno if he was happy when I told him I’d come back, he replied that saying I’d come back was easy. Any girl could say that. Showing up was different.
Show up I did. And I felt happier than ever when he met me with open arms.
I keep thinking that what I really want is a man – rich and good lookin’. That would be nice, wouldn’t it? However, I was saying a little prayer the other night, and what I wished for was this:
health
rest
patience
The man, any man, is nowhere in sight, as you see.
I guess we forget that our health is our wealth, when all is well. But when things turn sour, we need that more than anything else.
Rest? Please! I feel like I have never had a day off in my life. Not one that involved no cooking and no cleaning. The past couple of years had been especially hard. I was hoping and praying that before the year ends I’d get a couple of days to myself with absolutely nothing to do. Sadly, looks like that is not going to happen. Next year, then!
And patience… I used to read this book about patience to my little girl (long gone, destroyed. The book, not the girl!). ‘Remember that patience is your friend’, – says the girl’s father in the book. ‘But why do I need patience when I have plenty of other friends?’ – the girl then asks. I wouldn’t have thought of a better question myself. Patience is something that I simply don’t have. Not with myself, not with others. Somebody once said: ‘I’m surprised you managed to stay pregnant for 9 months, when you have zero patience!’. Joke’s on you, funny guy, I was pregnant for 8 months only! Still, this is something I need to work on, desperately. I need patience, now!.. Told ya.
Back in Belize, men were not on my mind either. Although I found Beno very attractive and interesting, I was not going to change my plans. This was my trip, this was the time to discover the world on my own. I had fun while I stayed with Beno: I got to know his friends, listen to him play drums, cook and eat his delicious food, play silly card games, talk and walk around town.
I couple of times during our walks he’d pick a pretty flower or a blossom and give it to me. A sucker for gestures like that, I melted each time.
At the end of my stay I said goodbye, he said: ‘Keep in touch, baby’, and I left. I had 2 more countries to visit, before going back to Mexico: El Salvador and Costa Rica. Costa Rica escaped me once, I was not going to let that happen again. El Salvador, not such a popular tourist stop, was even more appealing to me. So I was really looking forward to visiting both, and I was not letting any man (sigh) stop me.
El Salvador is considered one of the more unsafe countries in Central America. It’s no surprise the sign in the central park once I crossed the border caught my attention:
My host and her family ended up being the most amazing people, who treated me like one of their own. They would take their jewelry off before going to the market for safety reasons, and they would take precautions leaving the house after dark. Surrounded by their care, though, I felt safe and loved.
Mar was like a sister to me. An animal lover with a big big heart, she’s as adventurous as I am, good with her hands and has the sweetest personality.
She likes a good beer and makes damn good pupusas. She’s my kinda gal.
During my stay with Mar we didn’t stop talking. She told me a lot about herself and about her country. In return, I’m pretty sure the only thing I talked about was the guy in Belize who I really liked. And I wished to see him again.
‘Who does this guy think he is?’ – I thought of Beno after spending the first 30 minutes with him.
I arrived to PG and got off at the last bus stop before the University of Belize (UB) branch in town, as per his instructions. I put my backpack on the bench and looked around, not seeing a soul, and thinking how the hell I’d be able to tell my host I was already there. No phone, remember? I saw 2 snack shacks nearby and marched into one of them. When I asked if the woman working there knew where my host lived, by giving her his full name, she told me she did not know. Now, being older and wiser, I’m thinking one of the two things happened there: 1) she didn’t know, as she didn’t recognize the name. The guy was simply known as Beno, or 2) she knew exactly who I meant, but she didn’t want to tell me. Oh, I wouldn’t be surprised! Trust me, there’s a lot of undercurrent in that town.
It’s a small place and in a way it reminds me of Alderney. Everybody knows everybody’s business.
Not having luck in the first snack shack, I marched to the second one. This time I asked the woman working there if I could use her phone (much smarter, eh?) and called Beno. He quickly answered and told me he’d be there in 5 minutes.
And there he was. Wearing his blue overalls, covered in grass (he worked as a gardener) he approached me, grabbed my heavy backpack and led the way to his house close by.
He talked non stop for about 20 minutes.
‘I am just looking for the right girl’ – he announced at some point, having talked about nothing but girls.
‘This guy is trouble!’ – I thought to myself then.
The funny thing was that he couldn’t take his eyes off the mirror the entire time he talked.
Beno looked himself up and he looked himself down, he checked himself from the left and he checked himself from the right. That made me smile. I couldn’t remember seeing a guy do that for a very long time, if ever!
Don’t take me wrong. I couldn’t take my eyes off him either…
But hey, who was I to say anything? If he was looking for the right girl, I was hoping he’d find one soon enough. In the meantime, I had a roof over my head and a couch to sleep on. I was good.
Once his short lunch break was over, Beno went back to work at the UB steps away from his house. The town was really small and you could easily walk everywhere. So that afternoon I set off to explore it.
That first night my couch turned into bed. Beno kept the only fan in the house in his bedroom, and I was not going to sweat myself to sleep.
That same night my bed turned into the mattress on the floor. The house I stayed in was a simple wooden house. And the roof was leaking. When the rain came and the bed started feeling wetter, Beno suggested putting the mattress on the floor and I happily agreed.
That night I hardly slept. Not only because of the rain but also because of the person lying next to me. The sparks between us could have easily set the wooden house on fire. The morning came too soon and I woke up with ‘he’s my host and I’m just passing by’ thoughts in my head. Was I exhausted? For sure. Was I hooked? You bet.
Remember how I told you that quite often I get these glimpses of my past trip? I will be doing something and I’ll get this flash in my mind of a certain moment during my trip. The picture will be very clear, very unexpected and not related to what I’m doing at that moment. I may not remember the name of the place or the names of the people I’m with. But it is always a welcome image.
Sometimes reality brings back memories, too. Last weekend I was walking down the street in the neighborhood that I had not been in for at least a couple of years. It’s different from the city center where I live. As soon as I saw the simple wooden houses with big gardens, avocado and mango trees and chickens running around, I thought of Belize. In particular the Crooked Tree village (I love the name!), that was my home for a couple of days.
Crooked Tree is all about wildlife and bird paradise. To me it was all about beauty and peace.
Villages of Belize is what I saw and fell in love with.
It was amazing to be on my own and plan my days however I wanted. I booked my stay in a hostel in Dangriga (couchsurfing did not always work). When I arrived, I realized I was the only one staying there and so I had 8 beds all to myself. Yay!
I visited the Cockscomb Basin Wildlife Sanctuary. They say you have a good chance of spotting jaguars there.
I didn’t get to see any, but I thoroughly enjoyed a very very long walk to the reserve all on my own. I didn’t mind, although a few locals I met on the way gave me funny looks, not quite believing I was making the distance on foot. While at the sanctuary, I was reminded that having a travel buddy was very useful at times. I started climbing one of the peaks, and it was not too hard nor too high, but I was so extremely hot (and already tired from walking all the way to the reserve) that I didn’t reach the top. The view was supposed to be amazing and I really wanted to see it, but I didn’t have anybody next to me not letting me give up: ‘You can do this, Vilma!’, ‘Just a bit more!’
The view I did get to see was nothing short of amazing and after that I jumped into the nearest waterfall to cool off.
It was while in Dangriga, in that empty hostel with 8 beds, that I contacted my future host in Punta Gorda. I did want to go there, I did want to leave Belize through its Southern border. In my mind that was the fastest way through Guatemala (which I had visited previously) to El Salvador, my next destination. That host was the only one living right in town, and even though his references didn’t shine, I sent him a request to host me for 4 nights. And he accepted it.
I remember how good I felt about seeing his message: ‘Yeah, you could chill with me, just keep me posted when you are in town’. And he gave me his phone number. Then I had to tell him that I had no phone myself, but would specify my arrival day through couchsurfing. ‘Have a bless day, Vilma’. And that did it. He seemed nice, very nice. He obviously could not spell, but, let’s be honest here, not many of us can, not all the time, not without the help of Google!
Before I reached PG, I spent a couple of days in Placencia. I had the best time there. My Canadian host treated me with extreme kindness and we spent a lot of time together. The beaches in the village are picture perfect and it was great to rest in a comfortable house and have my own room. When I told my host about planning to visit PG, he told me it was a dump. ‘Pardon me?’ He told me it was not a joke, there was a community in Toledo district near Punta Gorda called Dump. What an unlucky name! Disregarding his comment, however, I continued with my plan. I spent a couple of extra nights in Placencia and finally took a bus to the very South of Belize.
I didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry once I found out (today) that Belize was mentioned in one of the ‘Breaking Bad’ episodes. I watched the show from the beginning to the end (and loved it, too) and did not remember hearing that. In my defense, I did that while collecting stamps in my passport. It would have been easy to miss one bit. Back then Belize was most definitely not on my mind. Fast forward three years, it was the only thing on my mind.
‘Oh no, don’t go there’.
I was reading the references of the couchsurfing hosts out loud, when Juanita’s sister spoke up while washing clothes and bathing her little girl at the same time.
Did you know that 5 years ago I didn’t own a cellphone? The last phone I had was the one I dropped into the washing machine when I still lived in Alderney. Needless to say, even after the tumble dryer cycle, the rice and the use of the hairdryer, it didn’t come back to life. So that was that.
Now tell me that spending a couple of years without a cellphone is not an attractive idea. It sure was to me. So not only I had set off to Peru not knowing the guy I’d be travelling with, but I’d gone without a phone too. I know, my poor family. But do give me some credit, please, I had my tablet with me.
‘How did you manage for over 3 years without a phone?’ – my friends often wondered. My Peruvian had his, thank you very much, so we were covered. Besides, I could do anything internet related on my tablet and we did manage to find and use some public phones when needed. On a very rare occasion. Where they still existed.
When my trip ended in Europe, I was still without a phone. When I went to Spain, I still hadn’t gotten one. And when I came back to Mexico, my tablet was my only means of communication. I remember my friends from the silver jewelry store asking how I could live like that, what if something happened? I didn’t think anything would happen.
Which brings me back to the moment I was searching for a host in the South of Belize.
‘No no, don’t stay with that guy,’ – Juanita’s sister volunteered.
Juanita was my second host in Belize. And her family was amazing. Before her, as I crossed the border, I stayed with a guy from Jamaica, still a friend today.
Juanita’s family was so much more than I could have ever dreamt of having as a couchsurfing host. The mother, the daughter, the sister, the husband, the kids… They instantly felt like family. And they are. Ask Juanita if she has a three year old in Mexico today: ‘She’s my baby, too!’ – my friend will tell you straight away.
It was my first time staying with them and the friendship was only beginning. I didn’t think anybody else in Belize could treat me so well, and I needed to plan my 30 day visit in the country well. Sure, Belize is small, but I wanted to squeeze in as much as I could within that time. So knowing my stops and finding my hosts was an important task at hand.
There was a big difference after I crossed the border. From the noise of the state capital in Mexico I came to a sleepy border town in Belize. The time seemed to have slowed down there. But I loved it! As I sat on the bus next to a local boy, I started chatting to him, and to every question I asked he’d reply: ‘Yes, Miss’ or ‘No, Miss’. Now this was something new to me. Nobody called me Miss before. This young boy just met me, yet he was so polite. ‘Why do you call me ‘Miss’?’ – I asked him. ‘Because I respect you, Miss’ – he replied without losing a heartbeat.
What I fell in love with from the start was the diversity of this small nation. Different ethnic communities live side by side in this country, they are all brothers and sisters. I found that heart warming after the racist attacks you kept hearing about in the States and kept hearing whispers about in Mexico.
As a tourism destination, it packs a punch, too. When my Peruvian and I were considering visiting Belize, we were warned by other travelers of this country being very expensive, and neighboring Honduras and Guatemala being able to offer the same or better for much less. So we skipped it then.
This time I was on my own and I was already here. But by then I had seen enough of pretty beaches and picture perfect Caribbean islands, so I was exploring inland only. I didn’t find sky reaching mountains or deep canyons. I did find small and simple things to explore, enjoy and appreciate. And I was welcomed by extremely friendly people.
There is a downside to living in Belize, too (that’s what I thought in the first two weeks). Buying food in the hot supermarket with limited choice of products is not fun. I was used to the blaring A/C and anything my heart wished for browsing the isles of Walmart or another big chain supermarket on the other side. But very soon I got to appreciate the local markets and the fresh produce. Less choice is better (that’s what I thought on week three). Life seems simpler that way.
I now know much more than when I first stepped into the country, though. There’s trouble, injustice, struggle and tears. There is all that. But then, then my journey was just beginning and to make sure I had a roof over my head was my top priority.
I kept re-reading the profile of the only host in Punta Gorda. One of the references kept jumping in front of my eyes: ‘I woke up and my camera was gone’, – some girl complained. I didn’t need drama. I didn’t want to wake up and find my things missing. That’s why Juanita’s sister kept telling me to stay away.
